Would you like to be the star of a globally broadcast reality show where you are under surveillance inside and outside your home 24/7, including the bathroom? This will also include monitoring your phone, internet, and postal mail. You will also be followed by dozens to thousands of plain clothed “extras” everywhere you go: driving, shopping, exercising, church, work, the gym. Some of them will dress up as cops and firemen! Super funny pranks will played on you everywhere you go like blocking all the pumps at the gas station, crowding all the checkouts at the market,  and “actors” impersonating people you know like coworkers, neighbors, your doctor, and even your friends/ family members!

Behaviors from your most intimate, private moments inside your home will be mimicked back to you repeatedly in public. Including any and every compulsive habit that you are deeply ashamed of.  You will be treated to regular non-consensual entries into your home and car by strangers who will vandalize and steal items. And if you’re really a superstar, you will even have your mind/thoughts read 24/7 and randomly acted out or repeated back to you, including on radio and tv. But wait, it gets better. All this will be initiated in your life without any notice, warning, or consent; for reasons completely unbeknownst to you.  Does this sound awesome?

Your very “elite” audience, including the unemployed alcoholic and the undocumented immigrants next door,  will be allowed to tune in whenever they like on a pay-per-view basis and masturbate to it until the show ends. The show will end when you either self destruct by suicide (epic snuff film!), or commit a mass murder and get a life sentence, or ….any combination of these! Your “extras” will add all those photos they took of you to their “reality show star” album and will cherish them for years to come, well after they have moved on to other manufactured terrorists… murder victims “reality show stars”.

**Bonus points if you live long enough to die of natural causes. Although premature death from cancer, heart attack, or stroke won’t count, sorry.

Single women, whistleblowers, political activists,”loners”, “gamers”, young autistic males, and other completely innocent citizens will be given special priority for auditions. Interested? Just go to your nearest Federal agency office and tell them you want to sign up to be a “Targeted Individual”, or a victim of a life-long illegal FBI Cointelpro investigation. Don’t worry, they will know exactly what you are talking about. And they will be MORE than happy to oblige.

Disclaimer: This reality show idea in no way represents the writer’s personal opinion and does not condone or encourage violence as a solution to any matter.