In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What’s in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?   – The Cranberries

Wow, I said it, how liberating. I feel like I am maturing and regressing at the exact same time. I also can’t believe I am having to write a post about something so incredibly infantile.

Perps want targets to feel deeply ashamed and disgusted by themselves. If you have a nasty habit and they mimic it back to you everywhere you go, you have no one to blame but yourself, right? Because you are the one who does this nasty thing in private. And if you didn’t do this nasty thing they wouldn’t be mimicking back to you in the first place. So we have shame, anger, guilt, disgust, humiliation, degradation, alienation, isolation, and self-loathing all packed into one punch. It’s not a joke, this same exact tactic was used by a foreign country to effectively break down American POW’s.

When a target commits a violent act and no one ever finds out why they did it, it is because they are too ashamed to say why. Ashamed of themselves and their own compulsive habits. Ashamed that they could become violent over such infantile behavior. Ashamed that their every thought, motivation, and flaw has been laid out on display for thousands of perps. If more targets would come out in the open with what their perps are really doing to them, the severe degree of cruelty and torture perps inflict would be better exposed.

But it is tough. The things perps mimic/repeat can be deeply embarrassing to TI’s and that is why perps do it. And to try to relate these things to other people is even more humiliating, and the perps know this. But TI’s have to bite the bullet and push through it. It is severe psychological abuse and needs to be exposed.

These are some things my perps mimic constantly that are deeply humiliating to me:

I pick my nose and eat it.

I fart a lot and loudly.

I rub lotion onto my breasts and thighs after I shower.

When I masturbate, I sometimes touch my breasts and jiggle them up and down.

I snack constantly at home. I overeat and I inhale my food. I rarely use a napkin.

I flush the toilet right before I urinate to hide the sound from my neighbors.

I sometimes get urine on the floor/bathroom rug because of this, causing an odor.

I don’t flush the toilet again after I go so the bowl often has paper/ urine left in it.

I read while I am on the toilet. I look at the Victoria’s Secret Catalog a lot.

When they were causing me to have severe constipation last spring, I would sometimes inspect my stools with a Q-tip.

At home, when the weather is warm, I wear white “wife beater” tank tops with no bra.

I frequently crack the knuckles in my hands.

I frequently pick at skin on the sides of my face, forehead, and upper back/shoulders.

I have hair around my nipples.

When my hair is dirty my scalp itches, when I scratch it I get dandruff under my fingernails. I have to scrape it out with another nail.

I’m not a good housekeeper.

I wear a pair of red fleece Christmas themed pajama pants throughout the year when I am cold.

I frequently spray saliva when I talk.

I save empty cardboard boxes in my storage unit.

I don’t always use the most appropriate word to describe something.

I lost so much weight from stress when my stalking went overt, my bras no longer fit and the straps kept falling down. Women would mimick me pulling up my bra straps. One elderly woman even did it at a traffic light. She was so theatrical about it she reminded me of a mime.

In addition to the above, they also have knowledge of when I have my periods and when I shave my genital area. They have made comments/innuendo about it in therapy and during classes.

Thousands of perps already know this information about me because I have been under illegal surveillance inside my home 24/7/365. Scrutinized to the extreme where “nothing is unimportant”. These behaviors have been mimicked repeatedly back to me physically, verbally, and non-verbally non-stop over the past 11 months by men, women, and children. By cops, attorneys, therapists, neighbors, city officials/employees, perps in group therapy, perps posing as TI’s, coworkers, at Church, at yoga, at traffic court, at City Council meetings, at the beach, at the market, at salons, at the vet, at restaurants, in classes, at bars, online, on the phone, in traffic, by complete strangers on the streets. It is the perps’ way of making the target feel freshly raped and assaulted each and every day, all day.

I am not proud of these habits, some of them are compulsive and I have no control over them. They are disgusting to me too and I still can’t believe that everywhere I go right now people are acting them out in front of me. When a target reveals these things they take the risk of feeling even more vulnerable and exposed, when we are already so raw from abuse. But I think it’s important that we reveal all the ugliness and bring it out into the light. None of these things I do are illegal or deviant, but they are socially unacceptable. That’s why they occur at home, not in public. I know I am not the only one who does these things, but our perception becomes extremely distorted as they are magnified and amplified by the perps. Up until last summer, I thought I was doing these things in the privacy of my own home. Before I found out I actually had an audience and my home was now a “fishbowl”.

So judge away, everyone. I may be a sweat hog but at least I am a nice/attractive one, who is really a good person. At least I’m not a toxic fucking mess and a zombie jihadist Nazi serial killer imbecile/sadistic psychopath, orgasming with a red white and blue DHS dildo up my ass.